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Chronic Illness

I Don't Drink Caffeine & Here's Why...

I Don't Drink Caffeine & Here's Why...

This hipster shot of a previously enjoyed mocha of mine exists to tell you that the other day I broke my caffeination fast with a soy latte. 

I cut caffeine out about 4 weeks ago because I started noticing my essential tremor in MY OTHER HAND. 😳 It's not very noticeable. But *I* notice. I notice very much. The degenerative nature of my neurology is breathing down my neck. and officially down both shoulders.

[Swear word redacted.]

I thought it'd be good to help mask the tremor's existence via elimin…

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Artists Who Take Terrible Care of Themselves Make Terrible Art.

Artists Who Take Terrible Care of Themselves Make Terrible Art

And by “terrible art” I mean absolutely NO art. Zilch. Zero. Nada. This week was a perfect example of exactly that.

To be quite honest, this week I was scrambling around like a runt duckling running behind his speedy family (or at least that’s what it felt like.)

Do you ever have those days when the words, “I just can’t catch a break, can I?” cross your lips more than 5 times? or 10? or 20?

To honor the theme of 2016 (Do it *your* way,) I’m finding that *my* way is often slower and more cauti…

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The Rollercoaster From Hell: Grief

I've started losing the full ability of my right hand over the last 2 years due to a degenerative, neurological disease called Essential Tremor.

The grief I've experienced from this loss is like Chinese water torture.

Heaven help the person who thinks grieving happens in a linear fashion.

Oh hell no.

Grief is a helluva rollercoaster.

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Proof: My last 2 hours...

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DENIAL

I stayed up way too late this weekend in the studio. I’ll have another cup of coffee. It’ll be fine. No, it totally won’…

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Public Crying & How to Regain Composure

Public Crying & How to Regain Composure

So there I was...

...listening to brilliant neurosurgeons speak to a room full of people diagnosed with Essential Tremor. We were having brunch.

I was the youngest person in the room since the disease typically gets diagnosed when you're 40+ years old. I had been diagnosed with a degenerative Essential Tremor in my right hand 2 years previously. I was 27 years old at the time. 

It's a neurological condition which causes a trembling of hands, head, neck, voice, legs, or trunk. It worsens with ti…

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THIS hard?! No way.

So here we are. It's February.

I'll be honest with you: being an artist living with heart & hustle is one of the hardest things I've ever done. 

Don't get me wrong, it's not a surprise that it's hard.

Oh no no no. I KNEW it would be hard to book shows in towns that I've never been in... 

but THIS hard?! No way. 

I've been sending out emails for months now. We're talking hundreds of emails. Rehearsing songs daily. Writing almost daily. Recording at wee hours of the morning, still.

It seems …

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Holding the Future with Shaking Hands

Holding the Future with Shaking Hands

 

 

Some of you may already know this, but I was diagnosed with an Essential Tremor in my right hand (my cello bow arm) in December of 2013. The day the neurologist told me, I was moving out of my beloved apartment for financial reasons, so I was too stressed to really let the news sink in... 

Over the last several months, I've tested out the different medication options and watched the tremor get progressively worse (it is a degenerative disease.) While I was at my Artist Residency, I was de…

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